Oct. 18, 2022
Millie Gooch: Sober Girl Society, Addiction, Non-Alcoholic Drinks, Sober Dating, Sober Sex, Boozeless Brunches, Mental Health, Sober Curiosity & Being Millie
The player is loading ...
Matt talks to Sober Girl Society's founder, Millie Gooch, about why she quit drinking - and how it's changed her life. They discuss; binge drinking, labels, alcohol temptations, therapy, mental health, how to deal with sobriety, being a safe drinking ambassador, sober dating, sober sex, Sober Girl Society events, being an Instagram & TikTok influencer and her Sober Girl Society handbook. Click here to text our host, Matt, directly! 🎧 Enjoyed this episode? Please take a moment to leave a ...
Matt talks to Sober Girl Society's founder, Millie Gooch, about why she quit drinking - and how it's changed her life.
They discuss; binge drinking, labels, alcohol temptations, therapy, mental health, how to deal with sobriety, being a safe drinking ambassador, sober dating, sober sex, Sober Girl Society events, being an Instagram & TikTok influencer and her Sober Girl Society handbook.
Click here to text our host, Matt, directly!
🎧 Enjoyed this episode? Please take a moment to leave a review — it helps others find us.
🔗 Then share this episode with someone you know who could benefit from it.
Browse the full archive at 👉 www.believeinpeoplepodcast.com
This is a toolkit for recovery & resilience. Whether you’re in recovery or seeking to understand addiction, there’s something here for everyone.
📩 Contact: robbie@believeinpeoplepodcast.com
🎵 Music: “Jonathan Tortoise” by Christopher Tait (Belle Ghoul / Electric Six)
🔗 Listen & Subscribe
Spotify: open.spotify.com/show/4Cr4wzZ6bxku1cRcoYKbGK
Apple: podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/believe-in-people/id1617239923
🎙️ Facilitator: Matthew Butler
🎛️ Producer: Robbie Lawson
🏢 Network: ReNew
WEBVTT
00:00:00.034 --> 00:00:02.458
This is a new original recording.
00:00:02.597 --> 00:00:04.921
Hello and welcome to the Believe in People podcast.
00:00:05.022 --> 00:00:08.829
My name is Matthew Butler and I am your host, or as I like to say, your facilitator.
00:00:09.189 --> 00:00:21.309
Today we are here in London where I am interviewing Millie Gooch, who is the founder of the Sober Girl Society, a published author and social media influencer, who is on a quest and a mission to help young girls live a sober and healthier lifestyle.
00:00:21.634 --> 00:00:24.417
So firstly, would you like to introduce yourself?
00:00:24.698 --> 00:00:26.300
Yes, my name is Millie.
00:00:26.440 --> 00:00:31.004
I'm the founder of Sober Girls IT and the author of the Sober Girls IT handbook.
00:00:31.045 --> 00:00:33.567
Thank you very much for coming on to the podcast today, Millie.
00:00:33.749 --> 00:00:36.451
I want to talk a little bit about your journey so far.
00:00:37.213 --> 00:00:44.201
And the reason why is my producers have done a lot of research and basically I've kind of come in here blind because I'm aware there will be people...
00:00:44.801 --> 00:00:54.610
that don't necessarily know your story so I kind of want to come in from that direction and try and know as little about you as possible before I come here so tell me a little bit about your journey and your story so far
00:00:54.850 --> 00:03:46.849
yeah so I started drinking really if we go way back when I went to uni that was like my first kind of big experience of like nightlife drinking culture and I went to uni during the time when it was like Geordie Shore was at like its peak so it was like actively encouraged to go out get so drunk and make a full of yourself and there wouldn't really be many consequences and that's kind of when I started and before that I hadn't really been a big drinker so I went to uni started drinking very very heavily and I think first of all when I started drinking it was something that I just did because everyone else was and it was like really ingrained in uni culture it was like freshers pub crawls and all that and then towards my kind of like third year I noticed that actually it was something that I was doing more because I wanted to and my relationship with alcohol at that point I think then looked slightly different to my friends they were all like knuckling down with their third year dissertations and I was like I just want to go out and get pissed and that's all I really cared about and then when I left uni I went to work in PR and I went to work in journalism and they were both booze heavy industries although everyone I speak to is like my industry's really booze heavy and I think they all are so kind of went into that and my drinking just got steadily worse and worse so I was you know week nights I was going out with everyone going to the pub waking up in the know a hundred pound uber's home and I was blacking out I'm quite small I was drinking a lot so I would not remember large portions of my night sometimes the entire night regularly not how I got home and I would wake up the next morning in like an existential crisis so I would get that beer fear hangover anxiety and I just kept doing it on like a cycle so I would have like four days of feeling absolutely horrendous like I'm never drinking again and then it would get to Friday and I'd be like I know what like what makes me happy is going out and drinking and I think I really started to notice the effect it was having on my mental health that was the biggest thing my anxiety was through the roof I was always depressed and drinking was like for me I've got really busy overactive brain I think a lot I get quite insecure about things and for me it was just this like blanket of confidence that when I would drink I would feel invincible so I kind of realised then so it was like early 20s and my relationship was getting a bit out of control with alcohol my friends and family were quite worried about mom especially because i would come home in all sorts of states and you know wake up the next morning she'd be like do you remember what you did last night be like no so i got to 26 i went on a night out i do not remember a single thing from the night out i just woke up the next day and just said i just can't do this anymore like i'm so depressed all the time i'm so anxious i'm using this for confidence when i'm feeling insecure like if my mental health is bad this is the thing that i'm telling and I think it is going to end up quite dangerous.
00:03:47.531 --> 00:03:49.173
So I always say it was kind of like fate.
00:03:49.193 --> 00:03:57.822
A few weeks before I made the decision to stop drinking, I was on the tube and I read a copy of Stylist magazine, which had an interview with Catherine Gray, who wrote The Unexpected Joy of Being Sober.
00:03:58.443 --> 00:04:03.087
And I was like, wow, her story kind of seems really similar to mine, but actually maybe she's a few years down the line.
00:04:03.108 --> 00:04:10.936
And it was kind of this like, I always say it's like the ghost of Christmas future that she kind of presented me with it and was like, if you keep drinking this, what your life is going to look like.
00:04:11.556 --> 00:04:20.146
So I made the decision that I was going to stop drinking And all my friends thought it was hilarious because I'd said, I'm never drinking again about 400 times at this point.
00:04:20.927 --> 00:04:22.968
And then I just somehow stuck to it.
00:04:23.048 --> 00:04:24.951
I just kept going with it and kept going.
00:04:24.971 --> 00:04:30.257
And then I got about seven months sober and I realized that I needed kind of support.
00:04:30.357 --> 00:04:38.586
And although my friends at that point had become quite supportive, although initially ambivalent, I realized that they didn't actually understand what I was going through.
00:04:38.685 --> 00:04:41.728
So I couldn't speak to them about like, I was single at the time.
00:04:41.788 --> 00:04:44.432
So it was, when do I tell someone that I don't drink?
00:04:44.432 --> 00:06:02.755
or should I go on a date with someone if they're drinking like what if they get horrendously drunk will it make me want to drink and I didn't know who to talk to about these things but at this point AAE didn't feel like the right fit for me and I know so many people that have gone through the program and swear by the program but I think at the time I just had these preconceptions of what AA was which was that I'd go in there'd be 60 year old men there and I'd say oh actually I'm not it's not the first thing I think about when I wake up but every weekend I'm going out and getting absolutely horrendously pissed and basically fucking up my life and I thought they'd be like oh you know come back when you've lost your job or you've crashed a car so now I know that that is an incorrect perception and I know so many people that swear by it but at the time that's just what I believed so I was like I'm gonna actually look out there see if there's maybe other young women that aren't drinking and at 26 I think I just felt quite isolated couldn't find anything you know I turned to Instagram as all millennials do and there was nothing out there and no one was even really talking about it so I thought okay maybe I could start you know a little community there might be like 10-15 of us we go for mocktails and we chat about all things alcohol free so I just started Sober Girl Society and then Four and a half years later, it's like my full-time job, run events and meetups up across the UK, do like virtual calls, write a book.
00:06:02.776 --> 00:06:05.959
And yeah, it's now become like a whole thing.
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:10.644
So that's the story in the briefest way, not even that brief that I think I can.
00:06:10.944 --> 00:06:13.487
No, it's a great story.
00:06:14.067 --> 00:06:16.151
So how old was you when you started university then?
00:06:16.471 --> 00:06:16.992
So I was 18.
00:06:17.432 --> 00:06:19.995
So I'm actually an August baby.
00:06:20.074 --> 00:06:24.540
So I literally turned 18 and then three weeks later, I went to university.
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:38.699
So I had hadn't even really like legally drunk and gone to many bars and clubs and I looked really young at the time so I didn't really get into many places so it was like I was this child who then was shipped off to university and was like here you go you can drink as much as you want that was like brilliant
00:06:39.281 --> 00:06:47.435
so did you not really drink as a teenager because I think thinking about my own experience my first introduction to alcohol was sitting on a park with my mates.
00:06:47.456 --> 00:06:56.107
I don't know if that's like a northern thing to be doing, you know, but up where I'm from, that's what we used to do, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, you know, having a bottle of vodka, a bottle of Frosted Jacks on the park.
00:06:56.146 --> 00:07:02.636
And that was when I think I first encountered, like, you know, some of the feelings that you're describing, then, you know, that you experienced a little bit later.
00:07:02.656 --> 00:07:04.598
Did you have a relationship at all?
00:07:04.959 --> 00:07:09.564
No, I didn't, which a lot of people find strange, but I also think maybe contributed to why it happened.
00:07:09.625 --> 00:07:11.288
That's what I was just thinking, yeah.
00:07:11.307 --> 00:07:14.110
So I used to do, like, dancing, like competitive dancing.
00:07:14.170 --> 00:07:15.894
So every weekend, I was just...
00:07:16.129 --> 00:07:18.084
always dancing or like at competitions.
00:07:18.466 --> 00:07:59.622
And I think as well, what I realized is looking back now is that was my thing to help with like anxiety and relief of stress and being with friends it was really sociable and that was my thing that I would turn to if I was kind of anxious and and then when I went to university that was kind of taken away from me and so I didn't have that thing to fall back on I didn't have routine I didn't have structure all I had instead was this magical new elixir that gave me this confidence and I think because I'd never had those experiences either when I was younger I think all of a sudden it was just like oh I can do this and So yeah, I don't really know whether not having a relationship with alcohol before uni contributed to me just going, oh, all of a sudden I can just drink as
00:07:59.661 --> 00:08:00.202
much as I like.
00:08:00.343 --> 00:08:04.307
No, it's interesting you say that because I remember like 10, 18 myself and it's like, oh, I can legally drink.
00:08:04.367 --> 00:08:07.750
And then there was this other part, I'm like, oh, you've been doing it for a few years anyway.
00:08:07.771 --> 00:08:11.754
So other than actually being able to purchase alcohol legally, there wasn't that buzz there.
00:08:11.774 --> 00:08:13.497
But it's like cannabis now.
00:08:13.516 --> 00:08:18.461
I had a history of cannabis when I was a little bit younger, but the novelty wore off pretty quickly.
00:08:18.601 --> 00:08:22.767
But my friends have just kind of got into that now in the 30s and are almost obsessive with it.
00:08:23.247 --> 00:08:26.492
But because I experienced that young, the novelty wore off pretty quickly.
00:08:26.512 --> 00:08:28.915
And I'm kind of glad that it did.
00:08:29.076 --> 00:08:29.596
Do you know what I mean?
00:08:29.617 --> 00:08:33.042
At an early point in my life, because then obviously being able to get things back on track a little bit later.
00:08:33.081 --> 00:08:35.725
But I want to go into what you're saying.
00:08:35.745 --> 00:08:40.352
I want to know, basically, you talked about feelings of anxiety and what was coming with it.
00:08:40.373 --> 00:08:42.436
But what was your rock bottom moment?
00:08:42.556 --> 00:08:47.243
What was the moment where Millie said, right, I can't do this anymore?
00:08:47.342 --> 00:08:50.846
Was there something specific where you just thought, This is...
00:08:51.298 --> 00:08:51.697
this is it
00:08:52.479 --> 00:11:13.072
do you know what I always say I think I had loads of like rock middle moments there just wasn't one thing but there were so many things that I ignored I always think one of the worst things was I was on a night out with my friends don't remember anything and I got home and I live in Kent so I'd got from London to Kent and do not remember a single part of the journey and when I woke up I had these weird flashbacks of me crying on a corner of an NCP car park this is literally all I remember and I looked at my uber and it had that my journey had been terminated so I'd been like kicked out on the corner of a road from Covent Garden where I was to King's Cross and I looked at the postcode and this is me the next day like shaking with fear googled it and it was a corner of an NCP car park and all I remember is crying and that's it and then I have no recollection of how I got home there was no transactions like on my card I didn't have any cash on me so whether I just got in a random person's car I got them to drive me to King's Cross and I just remember the next day feeling so vulnerable and so scared of what could have happened I think that was always one of my mum's biggest fears as well was like someone's going to kidnap you you're going to fall on the train tracks and die like anything could happen to you because you are just not aware of what you're doing when you're drinking so that for me I think was a bit of a a wake-up call but then I still carried on drinking for like another two years after that there were like so many moments like that things I've done and like remember one time like my friend threw me this really like amazing birthday night out because they wanted to leave at two and I wanted to carry the party on I told him they will see you next Tuesdays and I hated them and then the next day I woke up and I was like I'm an awful human and the things I used to do when I was drinking just did not fit with who I was as a person when I was sober I used to go I don't know who this demon is that comes out when I drink and then the next day I would get this like real moral conflict of like maybe I'm secretly a bad person and that actually just comes out when I drink but there was so many like just I've got like hundreds of stories like that but there was never that one point and I think in a way that kind of not having that one rock bottom moment meant that I just kept carrying on drinking because people will be like you're not that bad you know you're still functioning at work and you're still maintaining some relationships so it was almost like unless I'd hit rock bottom, people didn't think there was a good enough reason to stop
00:11:13.113 --> 00:11:13.693
drinking.
00:11:13.714 --> 00:11:20.602
So you said obviously you didn't really see yourself fitting into AA, and people are there because of alcohol dependency.
00:11:20.643 --> 00:11:22.225
You spoke a lot about binge drinking.
00:11:22.904 --> 00:11:32.798
Did you ever experience alcohol dependency in the sense of you wake up and, right, I know you said you wasn't necessarily thinking about it, but did you need to have a drink to get going, or was it just like an evening thing?
00:11:32.898 --> 00:11:33.818
binge drinking thing
00:11:34.399 --> 00:12:04.235
it was mainly an evening binge drinking thing but a lot of the times if i was drinking on a weekend if i was hung over on a friday the old hair of the dog would come in so if i was going to like a saturday brunch i would be like oh i can start drinking at 11 now but it was always at those like socially acceptable times rather than waking up and on a monday morning being like the first thing i'm gonna do is drink and i think because i used to get so hung over and so I actually wouldn't want to drink for a bit because I would be so put off by what I'd done and my behaviour and how I'd acted.
00:12:04.275 --> 00:12:07.821
Then it would just get to Friday and I'd be like, oh, it's fine, I feel better now.
00:12:07.860 --> 00:12:08.902
I can go out and drink again.
00:12:08.942 --> 00:12:09.964
So you know what I like about this?
00:12:10.004 --> 00:12:17.214
This is the first time I've probably spoke to someone that's looked at the alcoholism in the past as a binge drinking problem.
00:12:17.274 --> 00:12:20.678
Normally it is alcohol dependency.
00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:25.044
And I suppose one of the things I've encountered before is someone who didn't think they were alcohol dependent because...
00:12:25.666 --> 00:12:36.945
there was drinking that much at night that they could go to work and then at about five, six o'clock on the night, they'd be like, oh, I'm feeling a bit, I'll have a drink, but didn't necessarily relate it to alcohol dependency.
00:12:37.245 --> 00:12:37.326
Yeah.
00:12:37.666 --> 00:12:55.034
But there was drinking that much in succession on the night that their body was actually dependent, but the withdrawal just wasn't setting in again until like, six seven o'clock at night which i thought was incredible because that is well that's the definition of a functioning you know alcoholic i suppose would you would you ever label yourself as an alcoholic and you know even now or previously i
00:12:55.754 --> 00:13:38.856
don't choose to use a label there's a few reasons just one it felt initially like it didn't fit me when i was 26 year old and a binge drinker secondly i think there is a lot of stigma attached to it that i didn't necessarily want and i think at this point now i wouldn't because it does feel like something that I've overcome and I'm not sure it's a label that I particularly would want to keep forever so personally I don't use the label but I always think in terms of labels people have to use what they want for some people the word alcoholic is really empowering and they own it and it's great and for some people it can be like quite a cross to bear that they then have to kind of live with for a long time and possibly don't want to
00:13:38.956 --> 00:13:48.275
I've been to a few sort of conventions and things like that in the past and one of the things that And again, I've been working in this field for around seven years now, so my understanding of it has changed.
00:13:48.296 --> 00:13:55.544
But I remember in the early days, they did this thing and they asked people, who here is over 20 years alcohol-free?
00:13:55.605 --> 00:13:57.768
And people were standing up and getting rounds of applause.
00:13:57.807 --> 00:14:04.996
And I think one of the things, just going back to what you were saying about that label, was when does recovery become recovered for some people?
00:14:05.136 --> 00:14:07.941
And I suppose the reality of it is that it never does.
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.904
And I think that's the relationship people have with alcohol.
00:14:11.345 --> 00:14:11.546
I mean...
00:14:12.418 --> 00:14:14.041
I suppose a big question out there now.
00:14:15.562 --> 00:14:20.230
Do you feel if you were to have a drink that you would go off in terms of a binge drinking moment?
00:14:20.250 --> 00:14:26.360
Or do you feel like your mental health and your understanding is in a much better place that you wouldn't go that far, hypothetically?
00:14:26.379 --> 00:14:28.423
Yeah, no, I've thought about it.
00:14:28.543 --> 00:14:32.149
And I think it would start, oh, I'd have one or two.
00:14:32.308 --> 00:14:33.831
And I'd be like, cool, I've cracked this.
00:14:34.011 --> 00:14:37.336
And then the next time I'd be like, go on, I can have three or four.
00:14:37.922 --> 00:14:40.563
And then the next time, I would just end up binge drinking.
00:14:40.583 --> 00:14:43.105
I never really saw the point of one or two drinks.
00:14:43.206 --> 00:14:45.469
I never drank just because I really liked the taste.
00:14:45.989 --> 00:14:50.352
I just drank because I wanted to get absolutely shit-faced and not have to think about anything.
00:14:50.373 --> 00:14:55.798
I liked that feeling of absolute oblivion, blackout, until the next day.
00:14:55.817 --> 00:15:03.063
But at the time, it was like, okay, great, everything I think and all my worries and all my fears and all my insecurities absolutely dissipate.
00:15:03.484 --> 00:15:05.426
So that, for me, is the attraction of drinking.
00:15:05.546 --> 00:15:23.221
So I don't even think I would want to have one or two so I think even if I could start that way for me it's kind of pointless because I didn't drink because I just wanted a couple I drank because I wanted to get absolutely out of it so I think it would probably start steady if I went back but I think it would be so easy to slip back into
00:15:23.261 --> 00:15:40.129
drinking I'm a volunteer coordinator at my work so I work with a lot of people who have been in addiction now in recovery and are supporting giving back to the community and it's something that I've had a conversation with quite a few people Because to be honest, I think sometimes you go, oh, you shouldn't ask these questions.
00:15:40.149 --> 00:15:41.450
Like, yeah, but I want to know.
00:15:41.470 --> 00:15:46.275
I know it might seem a bit intrusive and odd and hypothetical, but I like to kind of see where people are at.
00:15:46.576 --> 00:15:48.238
And it's funny, the amount of people that say the same thing.
00:15:48.337 --> 00:15:50.581
It's like, it was the reasons for the drinking.
00:15:50.941 --> 00:15:57.587
So even though they're in a healthier place now, it's that risk of, I don't know what would happen if I had the one.
00:15:57.969 --> 00:15:59.149
Too much of a risk.
00:15:59.791 --> 00:16:04.535
In terms of you getting sobriety, did you get help from alcohol treatment services?
00:16:04.556 --> 00:16:08.535
Or was this just like, right, I'm going to, raw dog this and, you know, do it myself sort
00:16:08.556 --> 00:16:08.716
of thing.
00:16:08.735 --> 00:16:10.017
Yeah, I did raw dog it.
00:16:10.076 --> 00:16:19.184
Well, I say that I didn't get help from alcohol treatment services, but I did have a lot of therapy, which I think really helped me target the reasons why I was drinking.
00:16:19.205 --> 00:16:20.586
So I did like a lot of CBT.
00:16:20.625 --> 00:16:21.647
I did talk therapy.
00:16:21.947 --> 00:16:29.793
I kind of went through all of that because as well, when I stopped drinking, it was like the first time that I actually had to deal with my emotions as a human being.
00:16:29.995 --> 00:16:37.942
And that for me was overwhelming as someone who has a lot of emotions, is highly sensitive to then all of a sudden be like, I've got nothing to take the edge off.
00:16:38.522 --> 00:16:49.533
And I would get like, when I stopped drinking, in fact, for a little bit, my mental health kind of got a bit worse because I was getting panic attacks because I would be in like clubs and I would feel like really claustrophobic and wouldn't be able to drink.
00:16:49.634 --> 00:16:51.475
So I was like, this is not good at all.
00:16:52.096 --> 00:16:56.581
So I think for the first time in my life, I was actually learning how to healthily deal with emotions.
00:16:56.601 --> 00:16:58.823
So therapy for me was so helpful.
00:16:59.184 --> 00:17:01.407
So I always say I kind of raw dogged it, but I definitely didn't.
00:17:01.567 --> 00:17:05.310
Have you experienced any sort of alcohol treatment services since becoming like an alcohol ambassador?
00:17:05.330 --> 00:17:08.253
Have you worked with any particular services I've been
00:17:08.273 --> 00:17:59.335
down to a couple of rehabs actually I went to Delamere which when they first opened which is like an incredible place and I hear first hand stories from a lot of people that have been I think we tend to be a bit of a secondary resource in terms of a lot of people come to us then after they've been to rehab and they want to find a community and they want to find friends so we're always very clear we are not a recovery program we do not operate as a recovery program we are a community of women who don't drink are trying to cut down on drinking or people that just want to do fun stuff without alcohol so you'll find a lot of people perhaps come out of rehab and then don't necessarily want to associate with the friend group who are still going out and doing drinks and drugs every weekend they want to find new friends who want to go for coffee or brunch or actually do want to go to a club but don't want to drink and then they know by going with that person they're not going to be tempted or pressured into it in any way so for us it's kind of like a community that people can reach after they've gone through those services
00:17:59.635 --> 00:18:10.118
how do you think we could probably make i think more so one of some of the research that we're seeing we're actually seeing more younger women coming into services now for alcohol treatment, which is, you know, absolutely great.
00:18:10.419 --> 00:18:14.323
How do you think we could make, I suppose, alcohol treatment more accessible for younger women?
00:18:15.723 --> 00:18:27.074
It's really hard because I think for someone like me being back then who didn't go through it, like a lot for me was that it felt quite scary and I felt like it was for people who were perhaps worse than me.
00:18:27.153 --> 00:18:31.518
There was this idea that my drinking wasn't good enough to be considered bad.
00:18:31.678 --> 00:18:33.819
It's like the AA thing that you're saying, yeah, absolutely,
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:33.920
yeah.
00:18:34.279 --> 00:18:34.319
So...
00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:37.989
That for me is like, oh, I'd be wasting precious resources.
00:18:38.309 --> 00:18:45.686
And I think maybe just making that message clearer that it's kind of for anyone at any point in their journey, because really prevention is key.
00:18:45.707 --> 00:19:34.606
So if you can get someone at my stage who then doesn't go to the next stage, because I think the next stage for me would have been full-blown alcohol dependency and waking up because if I'd have just continued on that trajectory which luckily I hopped off early but I think there's so many people that will wait until they get to that rock bottom and don't consider changing their drinking beforehand largely because of a lot of ideas that we have in society that you know people who don't drink are boring or you're not that bad and which I always think is funny because we don't think about it like any other drug even like smoking you're like oh we don't wait until your lung collapses until you consider giving up you give up because you know it's bad for you so i think just maybe making it clearer that it's actually for people at any point in their drinking actually if you're just a bit worried that you're drinking too much on the weekends it's it doesn't have to be that you have a full-blown alcohol dependency before you can seek help for it
00:19:34.948 --> 00:19:50.944
yeah and i completely agree with that i do think obviously we do see people come forward doors uh too often at the point of dependency but as a service i often say you know we're not here to tell people to stop drinking we're not here to tell people to stop using drugs it's a harm reduction service at the end of the day so especially Yeah.
00:20:08.801 --> 00:20:17.269
messages out there it could be pushed a lot more but yeah you're absolutely right I do think more people come in at that stage where they are they are dependent
00:20:17.549 --> 00:20:55.365
yeah and I think like it's really hard to get across the idea of harm reduction because we have this weird thing with alcohol like if I went online and started talking about you know oh I run and it's really great for my mental health no one would say oh I was really preachy but the amount of comments I get when I start talking about people even just reducing their alcohol intake it's like oh you're preachy or boring for some reason we just have this like stigma around alcohol and trying to give advice around it so it is I think one of the hardest subjects to kind of encourage people to look at their behaviour around it because you're told it's preachy or you're trying to take away
00:20:55.526 --> 00:21:18.251
people's booze you sound like the fun police don't you this is the one thing I always worry about we went to a pride festival earlier this year and was there to give advice and stuff and I thought we just sound like the fun police don't we we're not there to tell people to stop drinking we have um all different resources but we've got like bottle toppers to stop people having the drink spikes and things like that but that's reality of it we're just we're there to say have fun
00:21:18.751 --> 00:21:18.833
yeah
00:21:19.093 --> 00:21:34.561
but do it safely but even just the word safely it's like when you're starting your job you know you get your health and safety it's like god you know you're on health and safety oh god you know anytime you just hear that word it just sounds awful um Going back, you talked a little bit about being in nightclubs and, you know, that thing of claustrophobia.
00:21:34.862 --> 00:21:36.242
Do you avoid those places now?
00:21:36.564 --> 00:21:37.944
Are you happy to be in there?
00:21:38.585 --> 00:21:47.272
I am happy to be in there, but I'm very picky about what I do and the people I go with and I don't stay definitely as long as I used to.
00:21:47.333 --> 00:21:49.595
I think when I was drinking, you could have put me anywhere.
00:21:49.634 --> 00:21:55.579
You could have put me in, you know, Warehouse Project until 8am and I would have been perfectly fine.
00:21:56.019 --> 00:21:59.383
And then when I stopped drinking, I was like, I actually don't even think I like house music.
00:21:59.403 --> 00:22:59.788
I have to be somewhere where you know they've got a good selection of alcohol-free drinks and I feel quite safe and it's quite easy to get home for me and I like the music and I like the vibe it's not too busy I think I'm just a lot more selective with what I do I think that has naturally come as I've got older as well but I think when I first stopped drinking I was very careful about the things that I wanted to do I quite liked things like festivals because I could go and take myself off for a bit if I wanted to and go and sit at a burger van and get a diet coke and just chill out while all my friends stayed in the tent and it was quite spacious and like if I felt like a bit stressed or claustrophobic while I was like watching a band I could just go and there'd be like another place that I could chill out and you know like a lot of festivals now I've got like yoga tents or like wellness talks so things like that I really enjoyed at the beginning that had different elements as well that felt like they were engaging my brain because I think that's one thing that I noticed is I was getting quite bored on nights out Whereas before I could have just stayed there for like 10 hours, just dancing in one
00:22:59.808 --> 00:22:59.890
spot.
00:22:59.910 --> 00:23:02.333
It's like a vortex on a night out, especially when you're drinking.
00:23:02.394 --> 00:23:05.558
It's like you look at the time and you're like, where the hell's the last five hours gone?
00:23:05.598 --> 00:23:08.042
Because obviously it's in terms of the way the brain works and your memory and stuff.
00:23:08.083 --> 00:23:11.307
But what's it like meeting people and in terms of dating?
00:23:11.327 --> 00:23:16.997
Because naturally I think when you're on nights out, you meet people and it's a good time and place to get numbers and meet again.
00:23:17.037 --> 00:23:17.597
Yeah.
00:23:17.857 --> 00:23:20.227
What's dating like for you now, living sober?
00:23:20.689 --> 00:23:23.840
I think when I first stopped drinking, it was terrifying.
00:23:23.980 --> 00:23:26.913
Like, it was one of the hardest things, especially like...
00:23:27.425 --> 00:23:31.048
I think perceptions have even changed over the last five years.
00:23:31.148 --> 00:23:36.374
So when I first used to tell people I wasn't drinking, they were a bit funny about it.
00:23:36.413 --> 00:23:38.655
Whereas I think now they're like, oh, my cousin doesn't drink.
00:23:38.736 --> 00:23:39.797
Or like, I know somebody who does.
00:23:40.176 --> 00:23:42.298
I think it does seem more widely accepted.
00:23:42.338 --> 00:23:49.265
But I think the main thing that I've learned from things like dating is that I used to rely on alcohol for my confidence so much.
00:23:49.345 --> 00:23:51.606
So I would go out, I would drink, I would be confident.
00:23:52.007 --> 00:23:56.852
But the next day, that confidence doesn't stay with you because you essentially just got it from a bottle.
00:23:56.912 --> 00:23:57.392
It's like...
00:23:57.392 --> 00:23:59.414
liquid courage that's what they call
00:23:59.556 --> 00:23:59.655
it
00:24:00.196 --> 00:24:36.469
but by dating sober I really started to just build confidence innately and that competence kind of stays with you like you do your first over date you're like I didn't die this is great like it's fine and then you kind of work up the courage you do the next one and then by the time I did like my 10th sober day I was like I'm a seasoned pro at this now like you just you really start building that confidence within yourself I always feel like over time and it was never this at the beginning but not drinking has made me more confident which is weird because I just didn't think it would I thought I'd become really like a shy retiring wallflower but it forces you out of your comfort zone, I think.
00:24:36.528 --> 00:24:38.349
And it is scary, and it always will be scary.
00:24:38.390 --> 00:24:41.532
Some people ask me for tips, and I'm like, I can give you some tips.
00:24:41.573 --> 00:24:43.795
If you're going on a date, put on a good playlist.
00:24:44.115 --> 00:24:47.657
Wear something you're comfortable in, because if you feel uncomfortable, you're going to be stressed, and you're going to want a drink.
00:24:47.959 --> 00:25:03.031
There's so many kind of mini tips, but I just think the biggest one is you have to just keep persevering with it, and then just over time, that confidence will grow when you realise actually you can get through these things, and you can get through them without a drink, and people aren't going to think that you're boring on a date, and you're interesting, and all these things.
00:25:03.231 --> 00:25:26.631
And imagine if someone was put off by the fact he didn't drink that would be as the kids say a red flag yeah it's one of the things i'm hearing quite a lot recently in the red flags but yeah i think it'd be quite interesting what would have you experienced that i suppose as someone being like instantly you know put off by you're not drinking have you ever felt being on a date and someone's sort of like oh go on you can just have that have you experienced you know them sort of situations
00:25:26.790 --> 00:25:50.732
i've had it like through the apps where people will be like oh like and sometimes they're quite nice about it but they're like oh like it's not really one for me but cheers kind of thing but that didn't really happen like so i was dating a few years ago and the perceptions were so much better but it's never happened to me on a date because i always say tell people beforehand like you don't want to get on that date and then say oh by the way I don't drink because if they're awkward about it you're going to feel
00:25:50.813 --> 00:25:53.736
awkward it's just
00:25:53.756 --> 00:26:24.280
put it out there early just like when they say because usually the chat happens oh do you want to go for a drink and I just normally say something like yeah it's cool just so you know I don't actually drink alcohol but happy to come for like a lemonade or whatever it is that you want to do and then when you get on the date you just don't have to worry about that conversation because they know so I definitely did have people who were kind of like it's not for me but then you know we were never going to be compatible if that is the case it's actually just a great elimination process because you get rid of a load of people early who you just wouldn't vibe with
00:26:25.042 --> 00:26:25.644
i'll tell you what
00:26:25.865 --> 00:26:26.046
i'm gonna
00:26:26.433 --> 00:26:26.993
Would you like
00:26:27.255 --> 00:26:27.375
one?
00:26:27.434 --> 00:26:29.256
I'd love a Schler.
00:26:29.817 --> 00:26:30.037
Thank you.
00:26:30.096 --> 00:26:30.877
What flavour would you like?
00:26:30.917 --> 00:26:31.478
What have we got?
00:26:31.739 --> 00:26:31.818
Oh,
00:26:31.878 --> 00:26:32.699
yeah.
00:26:32.779 --> 00:26:37.443
We've got Sparkling Zero Fruit, White Grape and Red Grape.
00:26:37.483 --> 00:26:38.545
I'll have a Red Grape.
00:26:38.565 --> 00:26:42.268
I haven't had a Schler in years.
00:26:42.748 --> 00:26:43.769
No, I haven't.
00:26:44.148 --> 00:26:51.816
I think that we should actually be very thankful for Schler because I feel like with all these new drinks, they were an OG.
00:26:51.836 --> 00:26:51.875
Do
00:26:51.955 --> 00:26:53.356
you know what I've heard?
00:26:53.457 --> 00:27:15.817
Because I didn't realise it was an alternative to alcohol to be honest what do you think to non-alcoholic beers in terms of well non-alcoholic drinks that are taste like alcohol because i know you're not you know you said you're not part of like you know experience dependency alcoholic um but i've had this conversation with some of our service users before and they said it'd just be a trigger for them to have the real thing
00:27:16.078 --> 00:27:16.298
yeah
00:27:16.378 --> 00:27:17.019
what's your opinion on
00:27:17.619 --> 00:27:51.708
that i think for some people it can be so i always if i'm ever talking about non-alcoholic drinks i always make a disclaimer like if you think it could be triggering for you then avoid it but for some people I think they can be really helpful especially people who are looking to kind of harm reduce rather than give up altogether because for so many people drinking is like a habit so and it's a social thing and if people can feel like on a night out they could you know have a Budweiser Zero or something like that they can kind of still feel part of it rather than having you know like a pint of Diet Coke so For me, I mean, I've read a lot of stats around them.
00:27:51.788 --> 00:27:56.011
I know there was a big report about how actually no and no drinks are really helping with harm reduction.
00:27:56.051 --> 00:28:01.355
So I do think on the whole they are a good thing, but I understand why for some people they might be triggering.
00:28:01.415 --> 00:28:03.959
I think my relationship with them has kind of changed.
00:28:04.058 --> 00:28:13.146
I think when I first stopped drinking, I was really looking for things that were emulating alcohol, so non-alcoholic gin, non-alcoholic beers, and those I don't tend to drink as much anymore.
00:28:13.207 --> 00:28:27.621
Like I would drink a non-alcoholic beer if I'm on a night out or something like that, but I've kind of now started looking into like sodas and kombucha and you know those fun kind of wellness drinks and different seltzers and things like that whereas before I was really kind of trying to look for an alternative
00:28:28.521 --> 00:28:38.833
my producer Robbie said you were doing something with non-alcoholic drinks actually are you starting your own line or something I can't remember the complete details but what's that about what's happening with it
00:28:39.192 --> 00:29:24.261
yeah so I'm starting a non-alcoholic e-commerce website called Sippers so at the moment non-alcoholic drinks are not hugely widely available so you can some supermarkets have better selection than others but there's still so many incredible ones out there that aren't listed in supermarkets they find it hard to get listings so it's going to be basically an asos but for non-alcoholic drinks so we're going to have everything on there from you know spirit alternatives to beer alternatives wine alternatives but also the fun kind of like craft sodas and wellness drinks and all those things that are coming out so if you want non-alcoholic drinks it's going to be a platform where you can just come and it'll be easy to use that oh if you're looking for a whiskey this is what you want if you're on across for its alternative this is where you come so yeah it's going to be called sippers and it's a labor of love but it's getting there
00:29:24.363 --> 00:29:44.680
but no it's nice to hear actually too i think it's a great idea because it's one of the things sometimes you think all ideas have been done there is nothing new that we could possibly do as a humor and the next thing you know people come what is anything i hate it when something like that comes on because sometimes it could be the most basic things but um To be fair, that's kind of thrown me off a little bit.
00:29:44.700 --> 00:29:47.642
We were talking about relationships and things of that nature before then.
00:29:48.722 --> 00:29:50.424
Let's talk sober sex.
00:29:51.144 --> 00:29:59.291
I suppose what's the biggest difference from having sex under the influence and drinking to what's it like now for you?
00:29:59.613 --> 00:30:00.854
I think remembering it is
00:30:00.973 --> 00:30:02.234
probably the key thing.
00:30:02.895 --> 00:30:12.624
I think there were so many times when, especially as a woman, the lines of consent were very blurry and I think that's a big thing that I hear from a lot of women.
00:30:12.624 --> 00:30:47.175
in so I think that was one major thing for me that I would wake up and be like I don't remember that I don't remember what happened and the tricky thing is that you know I could have fully agreed to it and also I could have maybe not agreed to it and being so drunk and so black out and not remembering I think was terrifying for me the next day so remembering it is a good one being an active willing participant I think and then I think the other thing is just like again this kind of like learning to be confident without it like the first time I had to I think I was terrified and was like, especially with like a new person that I was dating.
00:30:47.236 --> 00:30:49.164
So I was like, this is so unnatural and weird.
00:30:49.747 --> 00:31:09.510
And then I think after a while I was just like, learn to actually be confident with myself my body because i was like i'm not i can't rely on alcohol so i'm going to just have to go into this and i think that is one thing that you just learn to be a bit more comfortable with yourself so that growing confidence thing i think weaves through a lot of things and i think the sober sex is one of them
00:31:10.372 --> 00:31:18.261
no if i could know it's yeah i imagine going from like the sort of the madness to it would have been would have been much different i suppose one of the things that
00:31:18.582 --> 00:31:18.622
um
00:31:19.298 --> 00:31:27.147
I think I actually watched something similar to this topic, but talking about them feelings of connection, I suppose, and being able to appreciate that connection a little bit more.
00:31:27.368 --> 00:31:28.170
Are you dating anybody now?
00:31:28.589 --> 00:31:29.411
I am, yes.
00:31:29.432 --> 00:31:29.951
How's that going?
00:31:29.991 --> 00:31:30.532
I have a nice boyfriend.
00:31:30.833 --> 00:31:32.255
Yeah, no, it's going really well, actually.
00:31:32.415 --> 00:31:33.436
How long have we been together now?
00:31:33.757 --> 00:31:34.478
Since December.
00:31:35.058 --> 00:31:35.199
Oh, okay.
00:31:35.398 --> 00:31:36.580
Yeah, like eight months.
00:31:36.681 --> 00:31:43.349
And he actually, so it's quite funny, when we first met, I told him we didn't drink, and he was like, oh, cool, I won't drink on our date.
00:31:43.569 --> 00:31:46.453
So he didn't drink, and then he's just not had a drink since.
00:31:46.674 --> 00:31:47.055
Oh, really?
00:31:47.194 --> 00:31:49.097
Which I always think is so interesting because...
00:31:49.346 --> 00:32:31.924
it's happened to a lot of people in my life that I think we have this like idea of oh they're drinking so I've got drink and actually people are quite relieved like my friends love hanging out with me because they're like oh we haven't got a drink like they haven't got me hung over tomorrow they know they're going to be home like if we go out for dinner they know it's not going to end in a three-day bender they know that they're going to be home in bed by 10 o'clock so actually there's this like relief and I found it when I was dating as well that people were like oh that's cool like I can kind of take a night off because I don't think people wanted to go out on a day get really wrecked and then go to work the next day so it's there's always like this relief and it's like you've given someone a permission slip that actually they don't have to get pissed so yeah it seems to happen a lot with people in my life that it's not I force anyone to not drink but just because I'm not drinking they're like well I'm not going to drink
00:32:31.986 --> 00:33:19.618
well that's you know it's funny you should say that because I think when I think about a lot of times when I do drink it's often I mean I haven't drank to get drunk for a very very long time now do you know I'm talking years I'm the type of person I might have a beer with a meal at the pub and that's probably like as far as I'll go the interesting thing for me is when you talk about situations like if I don't have any social gatherings or parties you know I probably I mean I've got a nine month old daughter now so the thought of drinking I'm like I can't parent with a hangover you know it'd be an absolute nightmare so the idea of sort of drinking now is I'm probably even far away from it than I used to be but the interesting thing is when so for something like stoptober or dry January by making a conscious effort to not have a drink I will want to drink.
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:20.880
That's the weird thing.
00:33:20.940 --> 00:33:26.305
Like right now, I've probably gone a good few months without a drink and not even contemplated it.
00:33:26.325 --> 00:33:32.790
But if I was to tell myself, right, you're doing Stoptober, you're doing Dry January, I'd be like, ah, now I want to.
00:33:33.230 --> 00:33:35.833
What's your opinion on campaigns like Stoptober and Dry January?
00:33:35.873 --> 00:33:36.794
Do you think they're beneficial?
00:33:37.414 --> 00:33:39.997
Yeah, I think, again, it's a bit like the non-alcoholic drinks.
00:00:00.034 --> 00:00:02.458
00:00:02.597 --> 00:00:04.921
00:00:05.022 --> 00:00:08.829
00:00:09.189 --> 00:00:21.309
00:00:21.634 --> 00:00:24.417
00:00:24.698 --> 00:00:26.300
00:00:26.440 --> 00:00:31.004
00:00:31.045 --> 00:00:33.567
00:00:33.749 --> 00:00:36.451
00:00:37.213 --> 00:00:44.201
00:00:44.801 --> 00:00:54.610
00:00:54.850 --> 00:03:46.849
00:03:47.531 --> 00:03:49.173
00:03:49.193 --> 00:03:57.822
00:03:58.443 --> 00:04:03.087
00:04:03.108 --> 00:04:10.936
00:04:11.556 --> 00:04:20.146
00:04:20.927 --> 00:04:22.968
00:04:23.048 --> 00:04:24.951
00:04:24.971 --> 00:04:30.257
00:04:30.357 --> 00:04:38.586
00:04:38.685 --> 00:04:41.728
00:04:41.788 --> 00:04:44.432
00:04:44.432 --> 00:06:02.755
00:06:02.776 --> 00:06:05.959
00:06:06.000 --> 00:06:10.644
00:06:10.944 --> 00:06:13.487
00:06:14.067 --> 00:06:16.151
00:06:16.471 --> 00:06:16.992
00:06:17.432 --> 00:06:19.995
00:06:20.074 --> 00:06:24.540
00:06:24.720 --> 00:06:38.699
00:06:39.281 --> 00:06:47.435
00:06:47.456 --> 00:06:56.107
00:06:56.146 --> 00:07:02.636
00:07:02.656 --> 00:07:04.598
00:07:04.959 --> 00:07:09.564
00:07:09.625 --> 00:07:11.288
00:07:11.307 --> 00:07:14.110
00:07:14.170 --> 00:07:15.894
00:07:16.129 --> 00:07:18.084
00:07:18.466 --> 00:07:59.622
00:07:59.661 --> 00:08:00.202
00:08:00.343 --> 00:08:04.307
00:08:04.367 --> 00:08:07.750
00:08:07.771 --> 00:08:11.754
00:08:11.774 --> 00:08:13.497
00:08:13.516 --> 00:08:18.461
00:08:18.601 --> 00:08:22.767
00:08:23.247 --> 00:08:26.492
00:08:26.512 --> 00:08:28.915
00:08:29.076 --> 00:08:29.596
00:08:29.617 --> 00:08:33.042
00:08:33.081 --> 00:08:35.725
00:08:35.745 --> 00:08:40.352
00:08:40.373 --> 00:08:42.436
00:08:42.556 --> 00:08:47.243
00:08:47.342 --> 00:08:50.846
00:08:51.298 --> 00:08:51.697
00:08:52.479 --> 00:11:13.072
00:11:13.113 --> 00:11:13.693
00:11:13.714 --> 00:11:20.602
00:11:20.643 --> 00:11:22.225
00:11:22.904 --> 00:11:32.798
00:11:32.898 --> 00:11:33.818
00:11:34.399 --> 00:12:04.235
00:12:04.275 --> 00:12:07.821
00:12:07.860 --> 00:12:08.902
00:12:08.942 --> 00:12:09.964
00:12:10.004 --> 00:12:17.214
00:12:17.274 --> 00:12:20.678
00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:25.044
00:12:25.666 --> 00:12:36.945
00:12:37.245 --> 00:12:37.326
00:12:37.666 --> 00:12:55.034
00:12:55.754 --> 00:13:38.856
00:13:38.956 --> 00:13:48.275
00:13:48.296 --> 00:13:55.544
00:13:55.605 --> 00:13:57.768
00:13:57.807 --> 00:14:04.996
00:14:05.136 --> 00:14:07.941
00:14:08.000 --> 00:14:10.904
00:14:11.345 --> 00:14:11.546
00:14:12.418 --> 00:14:14.041
00:14:15.562 --> 00:14:20.230
00:14:20.250 --> 00:14:26.360
00:14:26.379 --> 00:14:28.423
00:14:28.543 --> 00:14:32.149
00:14:32.308 --> 00:14:33.831
00:14:34.011 --> 00:14:37.336
00:14:37.922 --> 00:14:40.563
00:14:40.583 --> 00:14:43.105
00:14:43.206 --> 00:14:45.469
00:14:45.989 --> 00:14:50.352
00:14:50.373 --> 00:14:55.798
00:14:55.817 --> 00:15:03.063
00:15:03.484 --> 00:15:05.426
00:15:05.546 --> 00:15:23.221
00:15:23.261 --> 00:15:40.129
00:15:40.149 --> 00:15:41.450
00:15:41.470 --> 00:15:46.275
00:15:46.576 --> 00:15:48.238
00:15:48.337 --> 00:15:50.581
00:15:50.941 --> 00:15:57.587
00:15:57.969 --> 00:15:59.149
00:15:59.791 --> 00:16:04.535
00:16:04.556 --> 00:16:08.535
00:16:08.556 --> 00:16:08.716
00:16:08.735 --> 00:16:10.017
00:16:10.076 --> 00:16:19.184
00:16:19.205 --> 00:16:20.586
00:16:20.625 --> 00:16:21.647
00:16:21.947 --> 00:16:29.793
00:16:29.995 --> 00:16:37.942
00:16:38.522 --> 00:16:49.533
00:16:49.634 --> 00:16:51.475
00:16:52.096 --> 00:16:56.581
00:16:56.601 --> 00:16:58.823
00:16:59.184 --> 00:17:01.407
00:17:01.567 --> 00:17:05.310
00:17:05.330 --> 00:17:08.253
00:17:08.273 --> 00:17:59.335
00:17:59.635 --> 00:18:10.118
00:18:10.419 --> 00:18:14.323
00:18:15.723 --> 00:18:27.074
00:18:27.153 --> 00:18:31.518
00:18:31.678 --> 00:18:33.819
00:18:33.839 --> 00:18:33.920
00:18:34.279 --> 00:18:34.319
00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:37.989
00:18:38.309 --> 00:18:45.686
00:18:45.707 --> 00:19:34.606
00:19:34.948 --> 00:19:50.944
00:20:08.801 --> 00:20:17.269
00:20:17.549 --> 00:20:55.365
00:20:55.526 --> 00:21:18.251
00:21:18.751 --> 00:21:18.833
00:21:19.093 --> 00:21:34.561
00:21:34.862 --> 00:21:36.242
00:21:36.564 --> 00:21:37.944
00:21:38.585 --> 00:21:47.272
00:21:47.333 --> 00:21:49.595
00:21:49.634 --> 00:21:55.579
00:21:56.019 --> 00:21:59.383
00:21:59.403 --> 00:22:59.788
00:22:59.808 --> 00:22:59.890
00:22:59.910 --> 00:23:02.333
00:23:02.394 --> 00:23:05.558
00:23:05.598 --> 00:23:08.042
00:23:08.083 --> 00:23:11.307
00:23:11.327 --> 00:23:16.997
00:23:17.037 --> 00:23:17.597
00:23:17.857 --> 00:23:20.227
00:23:20.689 --> 00:23:23.840
00:23:23.980 --> 00:23:26.913
00:23:27.425 --> 00:23:31.048
00:23:31.148 --> 00:23:36.374
00:23:36.413 --> 00:23:38.655
00:23:38.736 --> 00:23:39.797
00:23:40.176 --> 00:23:42.298
00:23:42.338 --> 00:23:49.265
00:23:49.345 --> 00:23:51.606
00:23:52.007 --> 00:23:56.852
00:23:56.912 --> 00:23:57.392
00:23:57.392 --> 00:23:59.414
00:23:59.556 --> 00:23:59.655
00:24:00.196 --> 00:24:36.469
00:24:36.528 --> 00:24:38.349
00:24:38.390 --> 00:24:41.532
00:24:41.573 --> 00:24:43.795
00:24:44.115 --> 00:24:47.657
00:24:47.959 --> 00:25:03.031
00:25:03.231 --> 00:25:26.631
00:25:26.790 --> 00:25:50.732
00:25:50.813 --> 00:25:53.736
00:25:53.756 --> 00:26:24.280
00:26:25.042 --> 00:26:25.644
00:26:25.865 --> 00:26:26.046
00:26:26.433 --> 00:26:26.993
00:26:27.255 --> 00:26:27.375
00:26:27.434 --> 00:26:29.256
00:26:29.817 --> 00:26:30.037
00:26:30.096 --> 00:26:30.877
00:26:30.917 --> 00:26:31.478
00:26:31.739 --> 00:26:31.818
00:26:31.878 --> 00:26:32.699
00:26:32.779 --> 00:26:37.443
00:26:37.483 --> 00:26:38.545
00:26:38.565 --> 00:26:42.268
00:26:42.748 --> 00:26:43.769
00:26:44.148 --> 00:26:51.816
00:26:51.836 --> 00:26:51.875
00:26:51.955 --> 00:26:53.356
00:26:53.457 --> 00:27:15.817
00:27:16.078 --> 00:27:16.298
00:27:16.378 --> 00:27:17.019
00:27:17.619 --> 00:27:51.708
00:27:51.788 --> 00:27:56.011
00:27:56.051 --> 00:28:01.355
00:28:01.415 --> 00:28:03.959
00:28:04.058 --> 00:28:13.146
00:28:13.207 --> 00:28:27.621
00:28:28.521 --> 00:28:38.833
00:28:39.192 --> 00:29:24.261
00:29:24.363 --> 00:29:44.680
00:29:44.700 --> 00:29:47.642
00:29:48.722 --> 00:29:50.424
00:29:51.144 --> 00:29:59.291
00:29:59.613 --> 00:30:00.854
00:30:00.973 --> 00:30:02.234
00:30:02.895 --> 00:30:12.624
00:30:12.624 --> 00:30:47.175
00:30:47.236 --> 00:30:49.164
00:30:49.747 --> 00:31:09.510
00:31:10.372 --> 00:31:18.261
00:31:18.582 --> 00:31:18.622
00:31:19.298 --> 00:31:27.147
00:31:27.368 --> 00:31:28.170
00:31:28.589 --> 00:31:29.411
00:31:29.432 --> 00:31:29.951
00:31:29.991 --> 00:31:30.532
00:31:30.833 --> 00:31:32.255
00:31:32.415 --> 00:31:33.436
00:31:33.757 --> 00:31:34.478
00:31:35.058 --> 00:31:35.199
00:31:35.398 --> 00:31:36.580
00:31:36.681 --> 00:31:43.349
00:31:43.569 --> 00:31:46.453
00:31:46.674 --> 00:31:47.055
00:31:47.194 --> 00:31:49.097
00:31:49.346 --> 00:32:31.924
00:32:31.986 --> 00:33:19.618
00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:20.880
00:33:20.940 --> 00:33:26.305
00:33:26.325 --> 00:33:32.790
00:33:33.230 --> 00:33:35.833
00:33:35.873 --> 00:33:36.794
00:33:37.414 --> 00:33:39.997